Smug Brothers and Indignant Dragons
by Semblance of Sanity
Summary: The only comfort Charlie had was that no one in his Goody Two-Shoes family would ever find out, but now George had gone and found out. Elvira is NOT happy.::.Written for Round One of the Test Your Limits Competition!


_Written for Round One of the Test Your Limits Competition with the prompt: 'Charlie Weasley posed for Playwitch magazine. Years later, his current romantic partner finds out.' _

* * *

The fire cracked and hissed beside him, providing relaxing background noise for his nap. Charlie stretched out on the floor, turning his face to the heat, and sighed contentedly as he slowly fell asleep.

A rapping sound tugged at the edge of his consciousness, and he groaned in annoyance, rolling onto his side. "Shhh," he slurred. The rapping sound continued. "G' 'way," he insisted, trying to slip back into the nice dream he was having.

A heavy weight landed on his stomach, and he jerked awake with a gasp. A small black head with big green eyes peered down at him, and he glared. "Elvira, bloody 'ell!" He shoved the dragon to the floor and rubbed his stomach protectively. "What 'o you want? It's not time for dinner yet!"

The dragon tilted her head and hopped onto the couch, pawing at the window. A very annoyed looking owl was perched on the sill, a shrunken magazine tied to its leg. Charlie rubbed his face and heaved himself off the ground. The owl hopped inside the minute he opened the window, and perched on his arm. He winced and glared at the creature as blood started to pool around its talons.

"Tryin' to give me some foreign disease, are we?" he muttered as he untied the letter. The owl snapped at his finger to further convey its annoyance, and Charlie threw it into the air. The owl grabbed a knut from the table and flew away. Charlie frowned down at his bleeding arm, and then at the window the owl had disappeared from. "Damn impatient creatures..."

Elvira tugged at his pants with her teeth before nuzzling his leg with her face. He smiled. "Yeah, yeah; I'll read it. Hold on."

He muttered a quick spell, and the magazine stretched back to its original size. He unrolled the magazine to find a very muscular and _very_ naked him sprawled out on the cover of a _Playwitch_ magazine. "Ahhh!" he screamed, and it fell to the floor. Elvira pounced on it, tilting her head as Playwitch Model Charlie winked up at her. "Bloody hell, George!" he exclaimed, quite confident in the identity of the sender.

There was a _whoosh!_ in the fireplace behind him. "You called?" a smug voice asked. Charlie spun around to glare at his brother's head.

"What the _hell -_"

"Woah, woah! Language, Charles, language! We have a baby in the room!" George nodded in Elvira's direction, who snarled at him. Charlie huffed and plopped down in front of the fireplace. George grinned at him. "So you got my gift, then?"

Charlie crossed his arms. "What I want to know is how my straight-as-a-bone, _married_ brother came to have a _Playwitch_ magazine!" he demanded.

George laughed. "Don't flatter yourself. A customer left it in the shop. My turn. When were you planning on telling us that you posed in your birthday suit for _Playwitch_?!"

"None of your damn business," Charlie snapped.

"And were you naturally that ripped, or was that magically induced?" Charlie glared at George, grabbing the magazine and stalking away.

"But Charles!" George called. "I'll _die_ if I don't know!"

Elvira followed him into the kitchen, and perched on the table while he sat in a chair. He stared down at himself on the magazine for a long while, before finally bursting into laughter.

Elvira watched him with a tilted head.

Suddenly, she snarled up at Real Charlie and sunk her teeth into his forearm in disapproval. He cried out and Elvira snatched the magazine and ran away.

"El - Elvira! Ge' back 'ere!" She ran out the back door and he followed her, chasing her in circles throughout the garden before finally tackling her to the ground and yanking the magazine away. "What is wrong with you today?!" he demanded.

She tilted her head, looking annoyed as he held the magazine away from her, when suddenly, she blew out a short puff of fire and smoke. Charlie jumped back, dropping the magazine and cradling his hand. "Bloody hell, 'Vira! My hand ain't a marshmallow!"

She ignored him, and incinerated the magazine. Charlie stared as his naked body turned to ashes in the dirt. "Well, if I had known you were going to - I would have let you! You coulda just said something, 'stead o' tryin' t' burn my bloody hand off...Damn dragons..."

Elvira proceeded to jump on top of the ashes, stomping around with her head held high. Charlie rolled his eyes. "Thanks for your support, dear." She snorted and turned to him, narrowing her eyes. "Oh, come on! I was a poor, young Dragonkeeper - I needed money somehow!" Elvira stuck her chin in the air and turned sharply on her four feet. They twisted, and she collapsed into the pile of ashes she had created. Charlie smothered a laugh and scooped her up. "Aw, c'mon, don't be like that. It was _way_ before I met you. Promise."

He rubbed the scales between her eyes, and she purred, nudging at his hand. He laughed. "So, we good then?" She licked his hand, and he smiled. "Good. Now, what should we have for dinner?"

* * *

_The Queen said that Charlie never got a married or had kids because he loved his dragons so much. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how right she was. Charlie is 'married' to his job, and to his dragons. So, in the context of the prompt, his current romantic partner would always be a dragon. _

_Yay for Charlie x Dragon?_

_So, hopefully Lamia gives me the Plausible Points? Please? :D_


End file.
